Stolen

I am going on a semi-hibernation mode.

Because I’m busy with work. And will be going off for a while due to work commitments. Besides, it may not seemed so, but people only blog when they are unhappy. At least that’s what I always do. At this moment I am not entirely happy. Neither am I totally unhappy. It’s a good thing isn’t it?

It has been confirmed that my brother’s scholarship has been withdrawn. And it adds so much burden to him, and the people around him. We are trying to work things out, and it’ll be hard. My Dad has been having health problems. Here and there. I need to go home to see him. If only I had had the wisdom to end my working stint. My Mom has also been having migraines. And it worries me terribly.

Everything will be OK.

Off I go. You know where to find me.

I watch you spin around in the highest heels
You are the best one, of the best ones
We all look like we feel
You have stolen my heart

Finding the correct words

I have been stuck at this piece of ramblings which I had wanted to post for the past week or so. That should about explain why the sudden silence. Also the fact that I’ve been busy with stuffs, but never quite. Anyway, I’m just gonna post it unfinished because I can’t quite find the correct words.

I can never quite sit down quietly alone these days. I need to do something. To talk, or write, or play, or whatever. To keep my mind off the fact that I can’t just yet stop being in love with her. I ought to, temporarily at least, until another comes along.

But I’m sure I’m over her. In fact, I’ve been over her for longer than I thought I can. But I never stopped being in love her. Not yet at least. And I’m afraid I might say something stupid, or do something stupid. I might. Didn’t say I would.

When I close my eyes I think of her. Not just her, loads of other people too. But she is always the last, the most prominent, the most achingly painful. And the first too, in the waking morning, the fresh start to an already mundane routine of psyching myself to move on. Frankly, I have no words for this.

You never quite forget, that smile of hers. Or was it a smirk? Cute nonetheless. If I had one more chance, I wouldn’t waste it on making things right again. Because if you parachute me into another relationship right now I would inevitably make the same mistakes, say the same words, and walk the same path, but with different sights. I would use the chance to never stop loving.

Because I fear the day I stop loving her. Because she is so right. Because she is so wrong. Because if I ever fall in love again, I want it to be her, but not quite. Because sincerely I can’t quite find the correct words.

Time, they say, will heal and conceal. Not much help when time stood still isn’t it? Because that is what it is now, when she is gone, time stood still. Just me, moving from frame to frame, with moments frozen from which time stood eternally quiet. Sometimes it’s better to have watched love from afar but, only sometimes.

If only I can.