It’s like breaking up

There are many ways to get your heart broken. When the love of your life broke up the relationship. When you lost an important match by a point. When you waited so long, and she didn’t turn up. When your friends managed to turn around and stab you at the back. When something you hold dear fades into oblivion.

I don’t usually talk much about my hall life, or indulge in silly games of disclosing what went around the close ranks. I believe in keeping these issues in other channel of communications. But somehow, this blog, where I write to feel better, intersect with recent developments that has happened in hall.

I am sad, and it feels like breaking up again. Every time I walk back to hall along that Block A stretch, I have a heavy feeling. Like I don’t want to be back to this place I love so much. Like those little things I love about the hall is going to be gone soon enough. Like I will somehow lose that attachment I have for this place I stayed in my entire Uni life.

And what saddened me most is the fact that I have been called names, been called a traitor, an instigator, shown no respect for, and been ostracized at the very place I gave to so much. Misunderstanding is the worst kind of enemy. And my silence doesn’t mean consent. I feel like telling the whole world my stand, my reasons, and my opinions. Let it be heard and judged. But a little part of me feel that it will be another useless endeavor. That my last stand had been made, and it’s about time I just let go.

And friends. Ah, what about friends? I am glad that I stopped short of blaming them entirely. But somehow, it left some bitter aftertaste. I am sure they are sure that the things they did were correct, or wrong depending on whose view it was. And while everybody have their own views, I believe that I stood for something greater, and I’m sure they felt the same way about theirs. But don’t call me things I am not, ’cause I wouldn’t do the same.

It’s like breaking up, this feeling. I might have shed some tears along the way, might have been a fool, might have done things too wrong in eyes of some people. But I love this place I call home. And I love this place I give my entire 4 years of Uni life. And I respect this place because it is not just another hotel I go in and out of. But I feel like turning away now. Because this heavy feeling is at times too much to bear.

Don’t turn away when you most want to.

Happy Birthday

This day 5 years ago we were just drinking coffee in the canteen. I was nothing more than a boy looking for a bright future, you, a lady in your every own right. I remember looking at you, asking, will I ever find somebody I’d love truly. You told me that there is time and place for everything. I didn’t know what you meant at that time, now I fully understood.

This day 5 years ago we had our little chat, about life, where you’re going, who you’re going with. Me? Just plain old me can’t even begin to imagine where I’ll be in 5 months time. You said I’ll find my way, and indeed, along this bumpy ride I’ve found mine. And a year from now I’ll be graduating, becoming a man, but just not as yet.

This day 5 years ago you told me that life is much much more than I’d thought I knew. I didn’t believe, who would? I am doing well in school, I have girls expressing interests, I have a good family, great friends. Life is full, at least it seemed so at that moment. As much as I thought life could not have thrown anymore curve balls at me, you’re right, as always. A few heartbreaks, couple of triumphs and many more failures in between, life, I’ve realized, is a continuous journey of discoveries. And curve balls, life has no qualms throwing them at me.

This day 5 years ago I had no birthday cake for you. I was broke. Today I have nothing but memories of you, and the sweet words you’ve given me all the years, carrying me through my ups and downs. I have no birthday cake, all I have is the longing for you to be happy, where ever you may be.

Happy Birthday.

A little something called ‘Rest’

I have been insanely busy for the past 2 weeks or so. Busy with work, busy with friends, busy with life. And whatever little time I have left for myself, I’d rather spend it resting.

Lacking of sleep is not good. I don’t think I am able to go through my days without enough sleep. Especially when I’m working. It’s tiring, and it’s almost torturous. Schooling was different, at least that’s how I feel.

People asked me how am I doing. I am tired. But I’m satisfied so far with the way things are going. I am high on motivation, I have friends who are great (I have been catching up with friends diligently lately, you know who you are)., and I have a life who has been kind to me lately. In short, I am contented.

I just need rest. Never felt so drained out, both mentally and physically. Forgive me if I took a while to reply your emails, or short text, or phone calls. I am probably sleeping.

On a side note, I sincerely wish Jess the best in her life, and hope she finds happiness. I owe her that much.

Resting.